All men have their own crazy little projects, like my uncle who restores old cars. In fact, I’m sure all of us have such an uncle. (If you don’t, he’s probably your dad.)
Only, like the weekend golfer, it’s not tightening nuts, but getting away from the wife that makes the project worthwhile. Eventually he’ll probably run out of patience or money and sell the vehicle on Gumtree as “the ideal project car”.
It doesn’t have to be cars though.
For a long time, my pet project was model aeroplanes and toy soldiers. It sounds nerdy, but Frank Underwood follows the same hobby in House of Cards and no one makes fun of Mr Underwood. For others it’s their FIFA Career Mode team. Point is we all have time consuming, mostly pointless, sometimes embarrassing pastimes. Luckily, most of us can hide away the shame of these pet projects in our houses.
EXCEPT IF you’re a bodybuilder.
Although bodybuilders tend to unfairly take up two bus seats when we’re trying to get home, I don’t particularly have a problem with people who want to spend unusual amounts of time in a large room filled with other sweaty people and inanimate objects. I hear that, when it’s not taken to the extreme, there are health benefits attached.
I just have better things to get addicted to.
At least some bodybuilders seem to have had time to develop a sense of humour between sets. After discovering the Facebook parody account: Bodybuilders Against Tipping, it makes me wonder: Do you even laugh bruh?
The profile picture states:
“Studies have shown that people who complain about their tips are generally overweight and suffer from being lazy. Tips are not required and never should be expected for just doing simple dining tasks” – Dr. MyronPecs.
One of the posts read:
“Such a shame, met up with the chick from a few nights ago for a second time. She decides to pick up the tab, and there she goes leaving a 25% tip. She went to freshen up, so I took the tip money and left. Three things to remember tonight: One, I slammed down free shots all night, two, I’m 48 bucks richer and three, I slammed down free shots all night. #principlesmeaneverything.”
“Everytime I go out to eat, I am calculating grams of protein to see if I am hitting dem macros. Servers always think I am calculating tips but LOL is thee.”
He also likes to have a poke at the CrossFit people.
“Today I was driving shirtless around in the beater today. . .and I always love to pass this CrossFit gym. I see these little guys outside trying to do pull-ups, so I always yell profanities at them. haha its funny because when I do they always retreat back inside. Thats what happens when you lift to be strong. . . ”
Of course, not everyone realises it’s a parody account and as far as parody accounts go Bodybuilders Against Tipping is brutal, perhaps sometimes it goes too far. People respond by channelling the sort of moral outrage that only Facebook, the News24 comments section and white people in a Home Affairs queue can summon.
“For all my serving peeps! Get on this page and give this guy a piece of our mind. Bodybuilders Against Tipping This guy is an asshole. Started a whole page about how servers shouldn’t get tipped. If servers didn’t get tipped, neither would kitchen staff. What a douche.”
And just like that, witnessing the devolution of humanity is just a few clicks away.
IN SCHOOL there was seldom any reason for the 40 plus kids in our class to keep quiet. But when things got tense, in other words, when the teacher looked like she was going to throw a table or cry, there would always be a cohort of straight-A girls almost shouting (yet somehow whispering) “Sheooowttt, keep quiet guys!” which ironically only added to the noise.
And that’s exactly what the internet is.
No one knows who threw the first banana. By now we’re all just a bunch of monkeys throwing bananas. In between reading the comments sections, I sometimes imagine that our more evolved brethren are actually working at the office (probably the corner one).
But perhaps not all internet hype is pointless.
I have always argued that ‘awareness campaigns’ are just noise. That, while I feel sick when thinking of the type of cruelty we dish out toward each other, your #hashtag and reposting doesn’t do anything except ease your own sense of helplessness.
Besides, plenty of non-trending horrors happen in the Afghanistans, Columbias and South Africas of this world.
Why comment on a blatantly racist or stupid post? It’s not like I can comment the racist out of Mr Van Der What What’s Facebook post.
And then I saw the response to the Boko Haram kidnappings. Whether it’s because of the worldwide outrage, or because of other vested interests, various governments offered assistance and put pressure on the Nigerian government to do more in order to free the kidnapped girls.
I doubt world powers would take the risk of doing so unless – we the people – were supportive of it. In other words, unless it was trending.
So perhaps a #hashtag has some value.
BUT, I digress. Bodybuilders Against Tipping isn’t a pressing issue. Perhaps it’s only function is to hold up a mirror at our often silly attempts to change the world through commenting. . . and make us laugh.
It’s a black hole. Perhaps back in the day writing used to regularly lead to something meaningful, but these days most of us are just making noise. If you comment on this, well done. Just like me, you’ve joined in on the noise making.