Do you remember your first time?
Some people loved their first time. Others want to forget it. Mine is a tale of both.
Our cultures have instilled numerous connotations that revolve around emotional, psychological and social aspects when it comes to virginity. Especially about losing it. What set apart men and women are the different perspectives we conceive when it comes to popping the proverbial cherry and finally getting that V-Card stamped.
I was young, maybe too young. She was older.
What is the right age to lose your virginity anyways?
A recent article in Psychology Today suggested that at the age in which you lose your virginity could be seen as a factor in predicting how your romantic life will pan out. Late bloomers (20’s and 30’s) tend to have fewer but happier relationships. Whilst those that opted for breaking it earlier (teens) might have trouble developing proper and effective relationship skills. All of this has to do with maturity and the later you wait the more cognitive and emotional mature you become.
I remember how nervous yet excited I was. I have always been a sexually charged individual but maybe I started at a too young age. Sometimes I look back and think what if I waited longer to do it. But then that’s something that can’t be changed now. Curiosity killed my hormonal cat. I needed to know what it was about.
Growing up my parents was very open and honest about the ‘birds and the bees’. Birds? Bees? What you talking about? What has that got to do with sex? The idiomatic expression is English and the euphemism refers to sexual intercourse and courtship.
Okay and then …
According to tradition it was used to explain the mechanics behind sex to children. To show them the good consequences that comes with sex by referencing natural events.
… Still not getting it …
Bees carry and deposit pollen into flowers making it simple to explain male fertilization. Birds lay eggs that are similar in explaining female ovulation.
… Ah yes now I see the link.
We were at a family dinner and she was the daughter of my mother’s friend. We sat across the table from each other. Her feet were rubbing against mine. I felt a strange feeling engulf my body. I was slowly becoming excited. This feeling I heard about was actually happening to me. This is how sex feels. Little did I know that I was just the warm up. The starter. There was more to come.
Men are more likely prone to feel anxiety and pleasure during their first time than women while women are more likely to feel guilt after theirs than men. This boils down to how women have placed importance to losing it to the right person and regret can set in if it isn’t that person. But that is not set in stone. Other factors have a huge role to play. Some value sex more than others. Some attach more emotion to it than others. Some just see sex as sex.
People have sex for physical reasons. Such include pleasure, stress relief, exercise, curiosity or physical attraction to the person. Sex can have a goal-based reason like wanting to have a baby, get revenge, or improvement of social status. The most reasonable reason is emotional like love, commitment and gratitude. Insecurity also plays a role in why people have sex.
Men normally seek out sex just because they like how it feels and even though women might be the same way they tend to seek it out because they are more interested in the relationship enhancement that sex offers. This is generally speaking and does not happen in all cases. But you could be categorized either by body-centered sex, you like how sex makes your body feel and do not care about emotions of your partner, or person-centered sex, when sex is a way you are able to connect with another person emotionally.
For me that first time was not about emotions. I didn’t have feelings of love. I had grown up with her, although she had always been older and it was just a fixation on what it could be like. It was purely I experimenting with my body and well I was really interested in seeing how it would feel.
Now please hold your disgust in. Please don’t click away because you disagree. As I have said I was younger than I should have been but here is the shocking truth. I was 12 the night my virginity dissolved away. She was 15 and already experienced. While the party raged on downstairs we were locked away privately in a room upstairs. She rubbed me, kissed me and made me feel excited. It was a hardened excitement that wrapped itself all over me. I was finally going to do this. This act I have seen in movies or on TV. This act that brought me into the world.
Lights off. I was ready. I couldn’t contain myself. It finally was happening. To feel a girl all over. To always imagined what it would feel like and now actually doing it. Those lady bits that haunted my dreams. That tickled my fancy finally not a dream anymore.
“You are in the wrong place.” She said.
How was I supposed to know? She helped.
It was feelings I can’t explain. It was tingling, calming, a rush of euphoria all mixed into an emotional build up inside of me. I felt my heart beat sprint away. My breathing suffocated by goose bumps. It was amazing. She just sighed. Got dressed and left the room. We never were the same again after that. I never saw her much. But I didn’t care. I was no more a virgin.
Because I lost it at such an early age I never actually comprehended the consequences to follow. Sex is like Pringles. Once you pop you can’t stop! And how true it is. I was addicted. I kept wanting more and more. Masturbation became my best friend throughout most of my teen years. I was never satisfied though. I needed the real thing. I had a ruined reputation of being a whore during my late teens, early twenties. I broke hearts, friendships and my own dignity fell shattered to the floor because of sex. Random one nighters, pregnancy scares to cheating on girlfriends was not the kind of person I wanted to be but alas the need for sexual release made me just that.
Now a grown adult I have found myself in a mature and committed relationship. I have done away with my self-loathing of how bad a person I was. I just told myself that sex was a perfectly natural normal thing and everyone has it. Now sex has become more than just sex to me. It is a way of expressing love, to have an emotional tie to someone and a way of starting the family I want with my girl.
If you have any questions about sex and were to afraid to ask why not check out Men’s Health’s July SEX issue that comes out later this month.