I have a cold. So, during my lunchtime, I did what any rational person would do: find a remedy. Bear with me…
See, the remedy was an experience.
And combining it with my Whole30 eating plan was a dangerous liaison.
It’s a comedy, because I’m delirious,
And I’m now creating these new plays on words.
But the tragedy you now need to understand,
Is that the ingredients have shed new light on
The fact that I now understand:
It all amounts to nothing, in the end.
The Whole30 prescribes a diet that excludes: added and artificial sugars, all grains, legumes (excluding greenbeans, yum), alcohol, all dairy, white potatoes and processed foods. The good thing is that you know the food you’re eating is only two steps from being alive. The bad thing is that you’re excluding entire food groups.
And the reason for all the exclusions? Because all that shit is toxic; including the Advil tablet I just took to stop my face leaking out through my nose because the coating contains sucrose (sugar). The Whole30 has also robbed me of chewing gum because of the xylitol (sugar).
But I’m not going to worry my life away because of one small slip-up. I’ve been very diligent in following my coach’s instructions and have reaped great rewards after one short week. But I promised my wife that I wouldn’t lose myself into this challenge. This is me making good on that promise.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: CrossFit isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like being pushed to your limit every time you step into the box, it isn’t for you. If you never played organised sport and don’t like feeding off of your teammates’ enthusiasm, it isn’t for you. And if you don’t have R1 000 a month to spend on your fitness programme, it definitely isn’t for you.
It’s a beautiful irony: you pay double the price for less than a quarter of the equipment you find in a normal gym. Then you get into the paleo lifestyle up your grocery bill for half of the food. And what do you get in return? Results.
Of course you’re going to get a good workout because the classes a small enough to get an ample amount of personal training. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that eating less will equate to weightloss, especially when combined with intense training.
Over the last two weeks I have come to love the CrossFit lifestyle and genuinely look forward to my workouts. I do, however, still call gigantic bullshit on the modern caveman idea. Seriously, a perfect front squat or burpee doesn’t make you any better at hunting a kudu on the plains than sitting at home with your Xbox.