“If you want a vision of the future, imagine a flip-flop slapping a human face – forever.”

George Orwell knew a thing or two about words, and in order to make the most impact he didn’t choose flip-flops as the footwear of choice for his famous quote. After all, Gandhi wore flip-flops. Rambo wears boots.

And I was reminded of this fact while walking the dog the other day. I won’t lie to you, Blondie is a bit of a problem, which is why we’ve been banned from all the dog parks. She doesn’t play well with others, but being a collie I need to walk her every day, so I do it while keeping her on a short-leash. Now there’s a pair of alsatians whose front yard we pass every other day, and their bared teeth growl and bark routine is a regular feature.

Well on this particular day, the homeowners were arriving as we were walking past, and as their car pulled in those two alsatians got out. I’ve never liked an alsatian. My dad was forced to wear a beard his entire life after being mauled by one as a lad, and their use by pigs and Nazi’s isn’t exactly good PR for the breed.

When they came hurtling towards us I had my three year old son with me, who is as tall as these dogs are high. Well, fortunately for us I wasn’t wearing flip-flops…

When you’re about to be attacked by a pair of savage alsatians you want to be properly prepared. Like wearing a pair of boots built by the same people who also build those earth-moving machine you see at construction sites. Something made of tough components like premium quality leathers, and durable long-lasting and slip-resistant soles. Sure, they may have gone full fashion nowadays, but the humble boot’s proletarian origins insure security in whatever conditions. Conditions that include a tree-lined suburban street, like the one I was walking down with my young son and skittish rescue-pet…

Okay, so there we were, quiet street, the sun dipping, no wind and a pair of vicious looking alsatians running straight for us. I picked my son up and held him high on my hip, then tightened Blondie’s leash so that she was right at my side. When the first brute arrived he got a taste of rubber sole, and after putting the boot into the other dog’s side they both retreated back to their yelping owner, their tails between their legs.

Jeesh, glad I don’t wear flip-flops…

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  • Sean Gibson

    I once had to stop an Alsatian in its tracks with the business end of my Venture truck ala Kids. But in its defence it was having a go at my rollerblading brother so fair play.

    • Dylan Muhlenberg

      There’s only one thing worse than an ornery alsatian and that’s a rollerblading brother. You had a tough decision to make, Sean, but you did the right thing in the end. Good thing you weren’t skating in flip-flops!