I don’t apologise often, but when I do, it was because of a life-threatening situation. In the last week of the Men’s Health Team Fit Challenge, I contracted a serious case of man flu (explained in the short doccie below). The pestilence struck around the time of my mother-in-law’s 60th birthday – I’m squatting with the in-laws until my house is built – which meant that, in my weakened state, I was surrounded by all manner of glorious treats (if you’ve never been acquainted with Bryan Habana’s Decadent Chocolate Cake, I suggest an urgent meeting, followed by a visit to your doctor and probably a few insulin shots).

Bottom-line: I was feeling bad about having to miss training and had a fat-kid relapse.

Pitching up at gym delirious with fever on Saturday for a last-gasp attempt at reaching my goal was also probably not the wisest move and from the way my chest feels today, tomorrow’s 12 minute motion test at the assessment is probably gonna burn like syphilis (or so I’m told). But you know what? I’m gonna trust in my training and the respectable fitness base I’ve built in the last 3 months.

Yes, my topless portrait that will appear in the biggest men’s mag in the country – and probably also be published online and used in marketing presentations – will have softer edges than I anticipated, but I hope our art department will work on that. And yes, -15kg is out of my reach now, but I can still count on big gains (or rather, losses) in my measurements.

Where I did have the biggest victory was proving that a man in my current situation could make massive improvements in his health and fitness with not really too much extra effort. So celebrate with me and my colleagues as we complete our life-changing challenge. My chosen beats for my victory lap? A little Limp Bizkit track… (check the end of this post, click play, turn up the volume and rock your face off!)

*Special Disclaimer* First off, I need to make clear that the title of this post is a reference to the Limp Bizkit song and not the Sinatra one. Secondly: I have made peace with the kakness of Limp Bizkit in relation to much of the music released at the turn of the millennium, but I’m also proud to have grown up in the 90s and to have rocked my face off to NuMetal when it was still a thing. Thirdly: My liking of Fred Durst’s vocal stylings, however valid, does not represent the opinion of the Men’s Health editorial team, and any objection should be raised with me in my personal capacity (please address your incendiary attack to my twitter account and we can have a good old flame war).