Here’s an idea: Sex is the foundation of fitness. Think about it – but not in the obvious evolutionary “survival of the fittest” theoretical way – rather as a more physical concept.
Functional training is the prevailing current fitness fad and forms a big part of CrossFit. At the core of all functional movement is the squat; you’ll do squats ’til it hurts, and then do some more.
But break down a squat into its essential movements: bend the knee, drop down low, explode your hips up; and you’ll see it’s very similar to the act of doing it. Squats=sex. Well, at least if you’re a man (we reserve flexibility training like yoga and pilates to the ladies). Even a pushup is just humping the floor…
You’d think that this would be kind of the point and that trainers would punt the moves for what it really is. But you’d be wrong because they’ll spin you some crap about sitting at your desk or having a poo… Or, if they’re really feeling unimaginative, they’ll spin a tale about lifting boxes.
CrossFit defines fitness as the ability to do a task. Wallballs help me when I’m throwing my daughter in the air, deadlifts help me carry shopping bags, pullups help me climb high walls, and squats help me ravish my wife. Nothing I do at crossfit would really help me do the work I get paid for if I wasn’t working for a magazine that deals in fitness and well-being.
When the reason you’re at the gym is to become more attractive so that you can have more sex, why can’t we all just be honest about it? Be realistic. If you’re not being paid to play a sport, or if you haven’t had a death scare and been instructed to punish your body for your health, you’re there for sex. To have more or improve the quality.
It’s okay to have and submit to such primal urges, because the need to reproduce outweighs everything else. Sex is the act of preserving your DNA by passing it on to the next generation, and fitness is then by definition the stick a potential mate wants you to piss over. Doing it feels so good because it it is your natural purpose and your body is rewarding you for it.
But maybe I’m wrong and this is just my way of coping with the intensity of crossfit. Either way, you’ll never think of squats the same.